Mr Chambers Read online

  ‘Not a dinosaur party and not my best friend Zach’s party,’ Hayley crossed her arms and stared at her mother.

  ‘I’ve heard you mention Zach three times in two years, he’s not your best friend.’

  The mum part of her felt guilty that Hayley would miss out on anything. But when did she ever do anything for herself these days? She needed this break.

  ‘We became best friends last week actually.’

  Actually!?

  ‘Well he can come round and play when we get back, you have the big holidays now and also you can choose a nice present for him whilst we’re at Nannie’s house.’

  ‘I don’t want him to come and play,’ she picked up her Barbie and added it to the pile of stuff Alice was yet to pack.

  ‘I give up then, Hayley,’ she wasn’t going to win. ‘Go and get your dad to help me – I don’t know what he’s doing?’

  ‘Okay mummy, by the way Zach’s not my best friend now actually.’

  Alice turned on her monster face, roared at the top of her voice and chased Hayley round the side of the bed. Hayley squealed and ran out of the room laughing.

  Alice was going home. She was kind of excited and kind of apprehensive. There was just so much to think about. She and Stuart loved getting away, but the art gallery and his sports physiotherapy took up so much of his time that they always felt like their world would implode or something if one of them wasn’t there to keep a watchful eye over everything. Control freaks? Probably.

  It’s wasn’t like they never saw their families, just not as much as they would like. It had become snatched weekends here and there as that’s all they had been able to manage in the last few years. So it was going to be fabulous to kick back for a while without having to unpack on the Friday and re-pack on Sunday, rushing home for school the next day.

  Stuart and Alice had moved away from her small home town in Oxfordshire to the beautiful rugged shores of Norfolk about five years ago, just after Hayley was born.

  Stuart was working as a physiotherapist at the time and Alice was getting used to becoming the mother to a small baby with all the joys and pitfalls that entailed.

  They had taken their first family holiday on the broads because they hadn’t fancied braving a flight anywhere with a baby, so opted for a good old British break instead.

  They had spent their third morning milling in and out of little shops trying desperately to get Hayley off to sleep, but in the end they had given up and stopped for coffee. She remembered how they had instantly loved the feel of the area. It was untouched and held a charm that appealed to them both.

  It might have been because they were new parents and slightly worried about what the future had in store for them. Or maybe they had feared that their adventurous days were behind them because afterwards as they re-joined the cobbled street Stuart had wandered over to the window of an estate agents. In the business section a local hairdressers called ‘Snips’ was pictured, just below that two large warehouses. But then right at the bottom a card advertising a small art gallery and craft workshop in Holt had caught her eye, the picture was tiny but it looked interesting. She remembered how they had looked at each other. She had shrugged at him and he had smiled back. Then with Hayley strapped to his chest in a baby sling he had pushed opened the door and asked for a viewing that very same day.

  That was one of the things she loved most about her husband, he was impulsive and unpredictable. But at the same time solid and unwavering in his choices.

  Six weeks later they had moved. Not knowing what they were doing or why? Six years and a lot of hard work later, they had a business they were proud of.

  Alice took care of Hayley and worked at the gallery around school hours. Stuart was full time, but still practiced physiotherapy on the weekends and evenings. He also swam three times a week to keep fit. He was the busiest man she knew but still made so much time for his family.

  That’s where they had met actually – in a swimming pool. Not the most romantic setting but these things rarely are.

  It was her first year at university and his second. He was studying Sports Science and she was doing a Philosophy degree. She couldn’t face taking English as she had planned, not after Tom.

  Stuart was a part-time lifeguard at the university pool and Alice was trying to throw herself into college life by joining the swimming club, the running club and the events committee. Basically she was doing anything and everything that didn’t remind her of Tom.

  Stuart had said after they got together he had noticed her the first day she walked out of the ladies changing rooms. But Alice didn’t believe him, she thought he was just trying to add weight to his claim that they were fated to be together or something? Anyway, she had observed the way the girls flocked around him. With his cheeky good looks, dirty blonde hair and 6’4 swimmers physique who could blame them really?

  She was swimming late one evening. The clocks had just gone back and it was dark by 6pm. The pool was almost empty and had a yellow dreamlike glow about it. She was doing lengths, over and over. Trying to push her body past where her mind wanted it to go. She was doing anything to keep Tom from her thoughts. It felt crazy that he still occupied so many of them.

  On what could have been her twentieth lap she stopped to catch her breath at the shallow end. She lifted her goggles and noticed him sat with his legs dangling into the water, watching her. His hair was wet and he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt, a whistle hung around his neck on a length of blue cord.

  ‘Impressive. You’re quick,’ he spoke in a low hushed tone like it was their secret, but it could have just been the pool’s vastness and the water in her ears.

  ‘Thanks,’ Alice replied pulling the goggles over her eyes again. She didn’t want to stop and chat.

  ‘Stuart Lyons,’ he held out his hand before she could excuse herself. She paused and shook it once.

  ‘Alice Rutherford.’

  ‘Want to race?’ he asked narrowing his eyes and smiling a crooked smile.

  Alice looked at him for a moment. Then cocked her head to one side, ‘sure, why not.’

  He had won the race but she had always maintained that it was because she had already swum so much that evening and nothing at all to do with him being the stronger swimmer.

  They started dating a week later, nothing serious at first just the odd drink now and again. She suspected he was still seeing other people and keeping his options open. But gradually over the next month or two he changed. Soon he seemed to always be available when she called. He would randomly buy her flowers or turn up at her room with takeaway food and a movie. He was silly and made her laugh. He made her think less and less about Tom.

  The other thing she liked about him was that he was a contradiction. He looked like a British version of the all American boy. He was jock-like, handsome, blonde and very popular. But unlike the stereotype he wasn’t mean or arrogant. He was kind to people, he liked to help and was rarely selfish or insensitive.

  She fell for him – how could she not? And the rest was history.

  So, as she was saying, she was going home.

  She was also going to her school reunion. That little blast from the past had come quite out of the blue and to be honest Alice’s first impulse was to say no to the invitation. But she had spoken to some of her old girlie mates and they were all going. They hounded her with texts, calls and emails until she had agreed.

  None of them knew about Tom, if they had, she doubted they would have pushed so hard.

  Alice had watched Facebook like a hawk after she had posted her response. She waited a week until someone had finally added Tom to the invite list, so tempted she had been to do it herself. Then, within a day he replied saying he wasn’t able to attend.

  Just to see that he had actually responded at all made her heart speed up… he was alive out there somewhere in the world and this was the first bit of communication, however tenuous and indirect she’d had with him in fourteen years.

  First she
felt relief that she could go to the party and not worry about seeing him. After relief came sadness and emptiness, then frustration and finally a raging anger. Anger that he could see she was going and within hours of his name appearing on the list, he had declined.

  He had said no. No, he didn’t want to see her. No, he didn’t care anymore. It had taken him zero time at all to make his decision, where she had thought about him for seven long, painful and confusing days.

  He had said without a shadow of a doubt, as if he was stood in front of her, ‘Alice, I don’t ever want to see you again.’

  Get over it.

  Alice wandered into the study and flipped on the computer. Why did she keep checking? She knew it as a pointless exercise. She logged on, waited and once more was smacked in the face by his complete disinterest.

  ‘Alice?’ Stuart rested a warm hand on her shoulder, ‘you alright honey?’

  ‘Yep fine, just seeing if there were any last minute changes to the plan for Saturday. Times or place?’ she swallowed hard and looked up at him. He was still so boyishly handsome that when he frowned – like he was now – it seemed odd.

  ‘He’s not changed his fucking mind has he?’ his harsh words didn’t match his kind eyes. He was so worried about the whole thing.

  ‘No. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t be going if he had,’ she lied.

  ‘Good. Alice, I’m not being possessive or freaky, but I couldn’t stand it if you saw him.’

  ‘I’m not going to see him. I don’t even think he lives in the country, Stu,’ she stroked his hand gently.

  ‘I don’t like it,’ he half smiled at her.

  ‘I want to go. I haven’t seen the girls for ages and some of the others I haven’t seen since we left. I’ve said you can come if you want to?’

  ‘And be the only partner there? Looking like I’m some kind of ‘sleeping with the enemy’ husband or something?’ he laughed swinging their office chair around to face him and kissing her.

  ‘I love you, but please don’t worry,’ she whispered.

  ‘You know there’s part of me that wants to see him? I want to look him in the eye and tell him what I think of him. How disgusting he is. How dare he ever have touched my wife like that?’

  Alice had made the mistake of telling Stuart about her relationship with Tom after a few years of being together. They had been out drinking, when they had got back to their flat they started chatting about their first times, the way we all do eventually. She hadn’t given him all the details initially, but as time went on he had questioned her more on the subject and pieced bits together.

  ‘I’ve told you so many times it was never like that. It was never disgusting or wrong to me. I didn’t feel abused. I wasn’t raped. I just fell for the wrong guy and vice versa. Please don’t make it feel perverted,’ she hated him talking about it. It was before his time and deep inside she didn’t want his judgement on her actions or his judgement of Tom. If anyone had the right to be angry it was her alone.

  ‘Sorry… am I forgiven? I don’t want to upset you,’ he kissed her again.

  ‘You’re always forgiven silly,’ she kissed him back and turned off the computer monitor.

  ‘I would love to flipping knock his block off though…’

  ‘Leave it!’ she shouted kindly and pushed him towards their room to sort his own packing.

  THE PROBLEM WITH NEVER

  Friday July 30th

  Tom wasn’t considering this a secret mission or anything like that, but he was certainly keeping a low profile as he watched the baggage conveyor belt travel slowly around and around. He had watched the same hideous floral green suitcase go past him three times already and just as he was about to complain to lost luggage the machine spat out his old leather holdall. He grabbed it, slung it over his shoulder and headed for the exit.

  He was here. His better judgment had lost out. As it always had where Alice was concerned and he had booked a last minute flight. He resisted all the way up to the wire. His confident ‘no fucking way’ had lasted an impressive thirteen days.

  He still wasn’t going, not to the actual reunion. He just wanted to be around, in the area. He wasn’t about to make a grand entrance, he was pretty sure he would make no entrance at all, but he might just swing by and take a look at the old place.

  Neil, his best friend and eternal bachelor was picking him up out front. He had agreed to let Tom stay with him on the condition that Tom promised not to go to the party at all.

  ‘Tom Chambers, as I live and breathe,’ Neil shouted as soon as he stepped outside, ‘looking good!’

  ‘Thanks man, you too,’ he pulled him in for a hug. It felt good to see him again.

  ‘Seriously Tom how do you look better every time I see you? You’re practically an old man now and still…’ Neil joked holding his arms out in mock amazement.

  ‘Fuck you!’ Tom pushed him and opened the car door.

  ‘If I was that way inclined I would jump at that offer dude!’

  ‘Tell me why I’m staying in a house with you again?’ Tom shook his head and laughed.

  ‘You can’t keep your hands off me?’ Neil blew him a kiss and Tom jumped up to catch it and tucked it away into his jeans pocket with a girly tap. They both cracked up laughing.

  ‘How’re the rug-rats?’ Neil asked. He was Tom’s children’s godfather and doted on them.

  ‘Grand. Not really rug-rats anymore. You need to come over at Christmas, they miss you,’ Tom answered.

  ‘I will, definitely.’

  Neil started the engine of his impressive new company car and revved it a little louder than necessary for effect. Tom rolled his eyes. He still drove the same blue Peugeot 205 that had been his constant companion for the last sixteen years. He just couldn’t get rid of it, even though the repairs had cost him way over the price of a new car in the last ten years. It was now considered ‘old school cool’ as his pupils informed him all the time. Some of the sixth form lads had even tried to buy it from him, or their daddy had. The downside of working at a private school was spoilt kids. Besides Tom definitely wasn’t selling.

  ‘So tell me again what you think you’re doing here?’ Neil asked on the drive to his house.

  ‘Not seeing Alice Rutherford.’

  ‘Ah correction, she is no longer a single gal, Tom. Alice… what was it, Lyons?’ Neil glanced at him.

  ‘It’s Rutherford,’ he gritted out.

  ‘Think you’ll find it isn’t,’ Neil whispered under his breath.

  ‘I’m here to see you. To see the guys and if I catch a glimpse of her then at least I’ll know she’s alright.’

  But you won’t be.

  ‘Do you have any idea what you are about to do to yourself?’ Neil’s face and tone changed from jovial to deadly serious.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Tom, I’m not being funny but do you remember the conversations we had on the phone after you left? Do you remember the total devastation?’ Neil pulled the car over and flicked on the hazards.

  ‘It was a long time ago. We’ve all moved on, changed. It’s just curiosity,’ he pushed his hand through his hair in frustration, ‘a forty something guy doesn’t go into this thinking that he gets a second chance,’ Tom tried to assure him.

  ‘And a thirty something guy doesn’t risk everything for a relationship with a teenager at a crucial time in his career… or at all for that matter. But you did. So it’s not as if we’re talking about a normal guy here, are we? We’re talking about a heart-on-sleeve wearing, crazy mother fucking loose cannon!’

  Tom snickered, ‘Maybe. But I’ve tried to bury him, remember?’

  ‘Oh yeah I remember. Bloody reformed character,’ he cocked his head towards his friend and smiled, ‘don’t think you’re fooling anyone in this car by saying you just want to see if she’s okay. You’re not.’

  ‘Neil, you’re the most perceptive person I know. I wouldn’t even try to pull the wool over your eyes. But this time you’re wrong, I have no intentio
n of confronting her. Really, I’m not that brave… I wish I were.’

  He was sure the words that were coming out of his mouth were the truth.

  ‘Then you must have buried the old Tom good and proper. Because I know for sure the Chambers I used to hang out with would take one look at her and try to kidnap her or something just as dumb,’ Neil stated.

  ‘Tempting,’ Tom joked.

  ‘Don’t even say that, Tom. You sound like you’re taking the piss, but I hear your cogs whirring.’

  ‘She’s a grown woman. She has a child. I’m not about to come crashing into her life and make trouble. She probably remembers me as a pervert now anyway. She certainly remembers me as a bastard, I made sure of that.’

  ‘Ah don’t beat yourself up, you did what you had to.’

  ‘Did I?’ Tom let his head fall back against the rest. It was heavy with old memories and new fears, ‘Neil, I walked away from her. Why am I only fully realising the enormity of that decision now?’

  Tom could remember every word they had said to each other the last time he had seen her. It was a Tuesday. It was raining. She had just found out he was leaving.

  ‘How can you love me and see me reduced to this, Tom?’

  ‘Alice, I will love you forever but this is wrong… I can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough… and you’re not strong enough for both of us.’

  ‘I can’t be anything without you.’

  ‘You can be everything without me, in time you will realise that, baby… can’t you see this is ripping my fucking heart out too?’

  ‘You’re right I shouldn’t have come,’ Tom turned to his friend and shrugged.

  ‘Let’s get back, mate. Have a beer and then maybe a couple more after that.’

  Tom nodded, ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘Sounds like the good old days is what it sounds like,’ Neil pulled off again, ‘and if you’re having trouble in the S.E.X department,’ he spelt out the word discretely, ‘and if anytime in the next week feel as if you’re about to cash in all your chips for a certain blonde. I have plenty of women at work that would fall off their chairs to help a beef cake like you forget the past. If you know what I mean?’