Mr Chambers Read online

  Mr Chambers

  Mr Chambers

  Tammy Bench

  Copyright © 2016 Tammy Bench

  The moral right of the author has been asserted.

  All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means, electronic or manual, including photocopying, recording, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  ISBN-13: 9781517525248

  ISBN-10: 1517525241

  www.tammybench.com

  For C, when going ‘all out’ is the best you can do.

  CONTENTS

  PROLOGUE

  JOIN, MAYBE, DECLINE

  OLD HABITS DIE HARD

  THE PROBLEM WITH NEVER

  “TONIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT BRO”

  THE REUNION

  STAKEOUT?

  IN HIS IMAGE

  FALLING DOWN…

  THE RABBIT HOLE

  TOM VS. ALICE

  YOU HANG UP FIRST

  PREPARATIONS

  RED SKY AT NIGHT

  AFTER EIGHT

  CONTROL

  THAT OLD FEELING

  TOM’S CONFESSIONAL

  WHAT IS MINE

  LEAVING

  CHEATING HEART

  “SCENES FROM AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT”

  CALLING At

  THE PARSON’S NOSE

  THE QUEEN OF HEARTS

  ECSTASY

  END OF THE LINE

  SOFT PLAY

  CLEAR WEB HISTORY

  MISSED CALL

  OLD GHOSTS

  MORNING

  HOOKED

  JUST CAUSE

  UNINVITED

  THE PIECES

  CUTTING TIES

  “YOU AIN’T JUST WHISTLIN’ DIXIE”

  “AND NOT THE WORDS OF ONE WHO KNEELS”

  EPILOGUE

  PROLOGUE

  August 2003

  It was late. All the commotion of the day had slowly ebbed away leaving a steady calm and silent darkness, but Alice still couldn’t sleep. Her beautiful lace wedding dress that she had cared so much for at the start of the day now lay crumpled in a ridiculously expensive ball on the hotel room floor. Her new husband slept soundlessly in the huge bed behind her and for the first time in a long time she felt that she had found her place in the world.

  She sat on the sofa near to him, oddly hypnotised by his rhythmic breaths. An old leather-bound journal sat on her lap. Her name ‘Alice Rutherford’ was embossed in antique gold lettering across the front. It was the keeper of her secrets and dreams – not a diary of the everyday – but the loyal, hard backed guardian of her most special days and the simple, magical and sometimes random moments that had moved her.

  It was nearly full now and she wondered if its successor would have ‘Alice Lyons’ printed on its cover in the same way? She didn’t know if she would like that or not.

  Opening it to the next blank page she prepared to tell to it of the day that every girl dreams about, her wedding day.

  Alice’s hand hovered delicately over the page fully prepared to begin, when an old habit, or had it now become a compulsive need, rushed at her suddenly.

  She breathed out heavily.

  She knew what her heart wanted. She resigned herself to the long standing ritual and the course of action that would be required to fulfil the feelings that it would stir.

  She put down the pen beside her and flipped guiltily to a handful of pages she had read and re-read a hundred times before. These pages were worn thin at the bottom edge and her thumb and forefinger fit neatly into the frail indentations. Her own looping handwriting held her focus for a moment as the odd word jumped out at her, making her heart speed up a little, seducing her.

  This was a story she knew so well. She didn’t need to read it to be able to recite every single word that was written. But looking at those words she had once formed so lovingly during the heat of things, made the memory come to life. Made what happened back then so real.

  ‘Do you know hard it is to say no to you right now?’

  She could hear his voice talking to her in his enchanting Irish accent from beyond the lines she had quoted him. His laugh echoed around the intimate privacy of her bridal suite.

  ‘You are wanted. I do want you and I want no one else to have you.’

  God it felt like she was self-harming, like it was torture, but a beautiful torture though, one that she must endure to gain a release that would make him hers once more for a few short moments.

  Then she found the date she was looking for.

  Saturday November 25th 1995.

  Two little hearts scrawled in blue pen to the side of the date. She read the first few lines to herself.

  I arrived in the taxi as he had instructed me to. He’s still so worried about people finding out about us. I got to the door and he pulled me inside, kissing me so passionately I would never get over it…

  Alice cringed slightly at her seventeen-year-old self. Her stupid optimism and childlike description embarrassed her. But she couldn’t deny that was how it had felt. She flicked forward a few pages and read on.

  Sitting on the edge of his bed watching him as he took his t-shirt off – I almost ran from the room with nerves. Of course I wanted to do this but now there was just me and him. No other students or teachers around. No one to stop this but me… and I wasn’t about to stop it. I was pretty sure Tom wasn’t going to stop what was happening either. I can’t begin to describe how amazing he looked tonight…

  Alice sat back and closed her eyes. The dim light of his bedroom lamp had shone to the side of her young face. Her thick hair falling over her shoulders and when she glanced down at her own hands she noticed how they trembled with the realisation of this fantasy unfolding before her. There was a song playing, a country song. She had always meant to ask him what is was, but never did. Tom tossed his shirt onto the floor and made a joke about something, making her smile and blush. Then he had smiled too and her whole world had shifted.

  Alice breathed away a tear that was threatening to fall. She opened her eyes, checked her husband was still sleeping and continued to read.

  He pushed into me so hard this time, I could feel him inside me. I didn’t want to cry out. I wanted him to think I was mature and cool with everything, but the noise escaped me before I could stop it. He froze and a look of sheer terror appeared on his handsome face. But I told him to carry on. I didn’t want him to come to his senses and tell me this couldn’t continue.

  He made love to me for the first time tonight. He made love to me like I was his equal.

  She remembered the feeling of him so well. The way he had started gentle… until it wasn’t anymore, until it was unforgettable…

  Before I went to sleep that night (in his bed!), I remember wishing that the way I felt right then was how I would feel every night of my life. I remember thinking as I looked over at him that this was the man I wanted forever. I wanted him to love me in spite of everything and because of everything.

  Alice put her hand to her mouth and looked away as she read the last passage from memory.

  What happened not only changed my life, but it changed me. This kind of thing doesn’t happen every day. I finally lost my virginity and it was the most honest moment I think I will ever experience.

  I actually had sex with Tom! There, I said it. I had sex with Mr Chambers! I’m totally in love with my teacher…

  Alice slammed her book shut.

  The hole that he had left within her soul, she thought, had almost disappeared. The years had done their job efficiently and softened the edges of a pain that had once ripped her to pieces.
She had met a great guy. She was looking forward to her impending motherhood. A surprise that herself and Stuart had to keep a secret, however hard they were finding it, for another few weeks at least. So, today especially, Tom had felt as good as gone. He was a distant memory, ancient history and that had made her feel safe and happy.

  But now, at 2.39am and the ink still wet on the marriage register. With her mind full of baby names, best man speeches and first dance nerves. Only hours after vowing to honour unto him as long as they both shall live and forsaking all others – she was back there again, in Tom’s strong embrace wishing it all away and that truth made her utterly sick.

  She promised herself then in that moment of self-awareness and loathing that she would never open the journal again. It would stay shut. For the sake of everything that was dear to her now. Her amazing new husband and precious baby on the way and for the hopes of a peaceful contented future, Tom, was staying well and truly within the pages of a book…

  JOIN, MAYBE, DECLINE

  July 2010

  Tom hated Facebook. He didn’t know why the hell he even bothered with it? He had set up a profile years ago, didn’t add a picture and had never once posted a status. It was more of a voyeuristic tool that served him a purpose from time to time.

  Today was different however.

  He had received an email at about 10.30am. Just as the third bell had rung and his class noisily left the room. His smartphone had pinged.

  ‘I want that coursework tomorrow, Jake,’ he called after one of the boys.

  ‘Sir,’ he shouted back as he sauntered from the classroom.

  He waited for the last pupil to exit the room before he snuck a quick look.

  Facebook event invitation – wonderful! But just before he hit delete, which would have been his default response to all these emails, something in the subtext caught his eye… Claude Bennett School.

  Tom quickly hit open.

  ‘Claude Bennett School Reunion’ – ‘Sixth Form Class of 1997’

  Tom’s mouth went dry and he sat forward in his chair.

  Saturday July 31st 7.30pm All Students and Teachers Welcome.

  He quickly looked at who had added him to the invitation list, Simon Harris, a PE teacher and friend of his at the time. Jesus, he had only been at the school a year and was sure no one would remember him, let alone find him on here without a damn picture.

  But there it was.

  Tom wanted to delete it but he didn’t. Instead his thumb hovered over the list of people invited. He knew she’d be on it.

  As he had mentioned Facebook was good for something and over the years that he had been a member on the world famous site he had – more times than he could remember – clicked on her name. She was Alice Lyons now, no longer Rutherford (that still got to him.) He would study her profile picture, the only public photo of her he could find and think of all they had done together. Of course he would never ‘friend request’ her, that would be the most inappropriate and distasteful thing he could think of. Even looking at her picture felt wrong and dirty somehow.

  He clicked on the list.

  Halfway down the page he saw her name and her response to the invitation. She was going. Six names below her name, his, Tom Chambers. Just seeing his name near to her own made him feel like the room was getting smaller. The collar on his shirt felt a little tighter and his stomach turned over with a mind of its own.

  He pushed his hand through his hair, his fingers grabbing the thick ends. He looked at the clock. Break time. Thank goodness, he wasn’t ready for more pupils yet – not like this.

  Calm the fuck down.

  ‘Coming to the staff room?’ Ann Parris stuck her head round his open door and waggled a coffee cup at him making him jump.

  ‘What? – Um no thanks Ann, I’m going to be in here for a bit… finishing up a few things,’ his answer was skittish and he thought his voice sounded a little too high pitched. She looked at him with mild concern.

  ‘You okay?’ she asked.

  ‘Good thanks. Just…’

  ‘Worried about taking over as Head after the summer?’ she smiled at him like she had got it in one. How further from the truth could she be?

  ‘Is it that obvious?’ Tom smiled at her through his lie. She blushed then, the way she always did when she talked to him.

  ‘You’ll be amazing, Tom,’ she met his eye and her hand smoothed her hair, ‘you always are… anyway I’ll bring you a cup back,’ she hurried out quickly.

  ‘Thank you!’ he called after her. He smiled as she raised her arm in a frantic wave but didn’t look back at him.

  Alice Rutherford was going.

  Tom obviously wasn’t going. He looked at the date. Two weeks from now. He would be on summer holidays from school at that time. His mind wondered for a moment or two as he started to form logical and genuine reasons why a trip across the Irish Sea would be a good idea. He could fly over and spend some time with Neil and his sister and many of his friends in England he hadn’t seen in a few years?

  Are you seriously considering this?

  No. He was just cruelly teasing himself.

  He had moved back to Ireland after they had ended and he had vowed to leave it all alone. Leave her alone. Let her have a normal life.

  The eighteen months that had followed ‘Alice’ had been a living hell. He had bought a plane ticket on four separate occasions determined to win her back. Two of the times he got to the airport before he realised how much his actions would hurt her. Once he actually touched down at Gatwick before turning around in the arrivals lounge and flying straight back home. He had wanted her back more than he had ever wanted anything. But he had made the decision, he had broken both their hearts and she was better off without him.

  You don’t believe that…

  None of it mattered anymore. It was fourteen years ago and an awful lot of water had flowed under both their bridges.

  Alice was married with a daughter.

  He had married. He had two children, twins, a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last and they were now divorced, but thank God still good friends.

  He had loved his beautiful, gracious wife dearly but the ghosts from his past wouldn’t stay hidden. Over the years they were together she had learnt little bits of what had happened. He would play it down to save her feelings. He had even changed Alice’s age making her a few years older to take the edge off a little. When his wife would ask if he loved her more than he had loved Alice? He would laugh and say ‘Are you seriously asking me that? Of course I love you more, you’re my wife. Alice was just a crazy fling’ but unfortunately that wasn’t the truth.

  Time went on and slowly she saw past his façade. She knew he loved her but that wasn’t enough. She needed and wanted more than he would ever be able to give her. He tried desperately to make it work, as had she… but in the end it hadn’t.

  You can only hide for so long.

  Fourteen years ago, as a teacher he had done the worst thing imaginable, he had conducted a sexual relationship with a seventeen-year-old student. It was totally unforgivable and he had desperately spent the time from that day to this trying to be the best teacher, father and man he could be. Trying to make up for the despicable things he had done.

  But also fourteen years ago he had found and deeply fallen in love with the one girl who had brought him to his knees, amazed him and belonged to him. He had spent the autumn and winter of 1995 locked in the most beautiful and briefest encounter with a woman he could never forget.

  That truth was still as raw as ever.

  On the 31st of July you know where she is going to be…

  Tom shook his head. Picked up his phone and scrolled back to the top of the page. Tom Chambers – he read his options again. Join, maybe or decline?

  He looked at the small thumbnail pictures. The faces of a class he had once taught. Some were bald, some had beards and a lot were pictured with their own children. Their faces pushed lovingly against th
at of their offspring smiling in a selfie. They were adults now with adult lives.

  Then there was Alice. Still blonde, still a little pixie and still the loveliest thing he had ever seen.

  He stared at the pictures for a long time, until the bell rang again indicating end of break.

  Times up, Chambers?

  He paused for a moment. Looked down at his phone and hit decline.

  No way.

  With an angry sadness he wasn’t expecting he launched his phone towards his laptop, it hit the screen and ricocheted onto the floor, sliding to an abrupt stop at his foot.

  No fucking way.

  OLD HABITS DIE HARD

  Thursday July 29th

  Alice was packing for everyone. Why did she always have to pack for everyone? She had enough to think about with arranging cover for the gallery and putting the dog in kennels. Making sure Hayley’s favourite programmes were recording, cancelling the damn papers and doing a last minute clean and vacuum. She didn’t have time to worry if Stuart would be happy with her choice of shirts for him or if he had enough boxers for the week. Why couldn’t married men pack their own – excuse her French – shit?

  ‘Mum, why do we have to go for ten whole days?’ Hayley had been following her around all morning asking questions just for the sake of asking questions.

  ‘Baby, it’s the summer holidays we’re going to see your cousins. Nannie and Pops and Auntie Steph are looking forward to seeing us.’

  ‘Not Uncle Tony?’ she asked suspiciously.

  ‘Yes of course Uncle Tony, too. You should be itching to get out of here,’ she ruffled her daughter’s hair lightly.

  ‘Itching? But I’m going to miss Zach’s party. It’s a dinosaur party… so not fair mummy,’ she sulked.

  ‘You don’t even like dinosaurs.’

  ‘Yes I do.’

  ‘Since when?’ Alice asked patiently.

  ‘Since two hours ago when I saw some on the telly.’

  Alice rolled her eyes, ‘Hayley there are twenty-seven children in your class I don’t think it will hurt you to miss one party, there’s still twenty-six more you can attend.’